Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers?

He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

"Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"

"Yes we arson."

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only one letter in it?

An envelope.

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisfactory.

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

In his sleevies.

What do you call a poorly planned and poorly executed website?

MasonMacKinnon.Com.

A man walks into a bar.

He says, "Ouch!"

Did you hear about the butcher who backed into a meat grinder?

He got a little behind in his orders.

How do you drown a hipster?

Throw him in the mainstream.

What starts with E, ends with E, and has only one letter in it?

The letter E.

I poured root beer into a square glass.

Now I just have beer.

What do you call the Christmas film industry?

Jollywood.

I've got a Rush song stuck in my head. This time, I don't get to choose Freewill.